


Ok, Boomer

by thenotebrooke



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, F/M, Jily at the end, because I know what i'm about folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenotebrooke/pseuds/thenotebrooke
Summary: James makes the mistake of using the phrase “Ok, Boomer” in conversation with his mother. Euphemia is not best pleased.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Ok, Boomer

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a 300 word drabble, ended up at 3000 words. It's a hot mess. I hope you enjoy it as much as I loved writing it.

James honestly didn’t know where it had come from. Out of nowhere, he had spoken like a man possessed. He had come home in the wee hours of the morning from Marlene’s housewarming party, and while he’d done his best to sober up before catching the bus, he supposed he was still a bit plastered. 

So when he found his mum waiting up for him and uncharacteristically shirty about the hour and his missing weekly family dinner, some neurons in his brain completely misfired, and in the absolute vacuum of good sense, his mouth decided to take control of the situation and promptly set it on fire, metaphorically. And all through the utterance of two miniscule, inconsequential, and not entirely undeserved (if drunk James were to be believed) words.

“Ok, Boomer.”

Euphemia stopped mid-lecture, and James swore the Earth paused in its rotation to wait for the graying woman’s response.

\--------  
“James, you didn’t.” 

“Well-”

“Please, for the love of everything sacred, tell me you did not refer to your mother as a Boomer in conversation.”

“... I have no defense”

“Christ, we’ll be dealing with the fallout from this for weeks. Weeks, you fucking tosspot.”

“I mean, I just had seen it so much online, I think it somehow entered my personal lexicon through osmosis. I’ll admit it wasn’t the brightest idea to use it in conversation, but I had no idea she actually understood it in reference!”

\---------

The deafening silence that followed James’ complete and utter abandonment of sound judgment was surely the most ominous pause following a petulant teen outburst in the vast and varied history of parent-child relations. James felt himself himself visibly cringe and readjust to guard his softer bits in preparation for the absolute barrage of reproofs he would receive from his mother.

Euphemia, after a minute, simply sniffed, drew her silk peignoir more tightly around her torso, and abruptly turned and swept from the kitchen down the hall toward her room.

James stood frozen in place for a good minute, not daring to move in case she returned with some instrument for his swift discipline in the way she normally would. As no further sound emerged, a small seed of hope bloomed in James’s chest.

Maybe she had no idea that “boomer” was meant as a disparaging phrase? Maybe she just considered it as any other nonsense teen meme-speak which she routinely ignored as James and Sirius posted in the family group chat. Maybe she was just tired?

The small spark was extinguished the moment a door slam echoed down the hall from the opposite end of the house from the vicinity of the master bedroom.

Shit. 

\--------

There should be a word in the English language specifically referring to the deep sense of dread which accompanies the anticipation of discipline from an angry parent. 

Whoever came up with Boomer should get on that, stat.

James had this thought as he sat quietly at the breakfast table the next morning, buttering his hot toast. His mother had also been uncharacteristically quiet, which coupled with her bad mood breakfast choice of weetabix with coconut shavings cast and ominous tone to the breakfast nook in which the Potter family (with the recent addition of Sirius) sat. 

Sirius glanced at Mrs. Potters’ plate and James counted the seconds until he felt Sirius’s kick to his shin under the table. James’s gaze broke its committed relationship with his beans to lock eyes with his adopted brother, and carefully kept his grimace to a minimum in response to the questioning expression. 

Sirius had left Marlene’s a couple hours earlier under than James under the guise of accompanying a lone female back to her flat a few streets over, purely “for the sake of chivalry.”

Yeah, right. Prat.

Given how into Sirius the girl in question had seemed as she practically dragged him out the door, James had been surprised to see him home and out cold when he dragged his feet up the stairs. As Sirius was so deeply asleep, James had decided not to wake him and seek out advice over the recent blunder with Mum Potter.

Fast-forward to now, where Euphemia had clearly not done the same for Fleamont Potter. His serene countenance as he perused the morning paper on his iPad showed a complete understanding of the dynamic surrounding the breakfast table, and worse, a complete lack of concern for the impending doom facing his beloved son at the hands of his silently irascible wife. 

He and Sirius needed a conference, preferably with Remus and Peter. Now.

\--------

It had been two weeks since the fateful night that James had stayed out partying and drunkenly referred to his mother in the “pejorative slur” as Remus had baldly stated it. Granted, Remus was half-joking about the slur part, but blatantly opposed to anything resembling a lack of filial piety. 

But James was confused, as he and his mother had a very special, loving bond, where they regularly and lovingly ridiculed one another to within an inch of their lives. Why would this be so different?

Well, he supposed making such a statement on the heels of her 65th birthday and in the weeks leading up to her retirement from the family company could have struck a nerve. 

James’s discomfort subsided for the most part as, after two days of sullen irritation, his mother’s mood shifted into sublime ease with end of her long and illustrious career as the Marketing Director for Sleekeazy at hand. He supposed, with such a milestone looming, all was (probably?) forgiven, or at least forgotten, in her mind. 

He supposed he should have let it go as well, but he still got the nagging feeling that his insult had not been forgotten by the Potter matriarch. It didn’t help that whenever he looked to his mates to ease his fears and reassure him on the subject, they were surprisingly tight-lipped about the whole affair. They just kept saying that Euphemia was busy planning her retirement party and that he should be thinking about that instead.

The problem was, James’s mum had always been the “swift, direct retribution” kind of mum. As much as she coddled and teased him, she never really left his misdeeds uncorrected. As she often said, he would always be able to look back and say with pride that his parents had raised him right.

…. So why nothing now? 

Perhaps his preoccupation with his mother was the reason James took absolutely no notice of the sideways glances, whispers and quiet smirks of some of the students at Uni whenever he walked past. 

Honestly, it must have been such preoccupation that James thought nothing of it when Slughorn, James’s biochem professor, walked up to him one day before lecture and casually asked, “How’s the mum, Potter?” with some sort of shit-eating grin, disregarding the fact that he and James had never spoken, let alone discussed Mrs. Potter before.

\--------

James and Pete were on their fifth consecutive hour of Red Dead Redemption at Pete’s house when James finally looked up at the time and realised that Remus and Sirius had promised to be at Pete’s house over two hours prior, but had yet to show up. 

It was odd playing with just Pete, because the lads always made fun of Sirius for getting killed in the game-starting Mexican standoff without fail every time they played, and Remus would laugh so hard he would snort whenever James was killed because his own horse sat on him, which happened more often than James would like to admit. 

It wasn’t until said horse sat on James’s character to the noticeably absent sound of snorting that he finally registered the absence of his friends. James paused the game to check his phone and see if they’d missed a text, and casually remarked his surprise at Remus’s flakiness and lack of surprise at Sirius’s.

When he was met with no reply, James glanced up at Peter to see his mate’s eyes dart shiftily away from his own, and an apprehensive pasted across the smaller boys’ face.

“What is it?”

No response.

“Come on Pete, you’re a shit liar.” 

A few seconds. Wow, Peter might actually hold out. That never happ-

“Oh, I’m sorry James, they told me to keep you here as long as possible!” What? Why?

“What? Why?” James could hear the confusion and irritation in his own voice.

“Well, Sirius said Mum Potter needed time to set up,” Peter squeaked, “and they weren’t sure if you had seen the article so my job was to try and distract you as much as possible so you wouldn’t go home too early and catch them setting up-”

“Woah, woah, what article?” Now James was really baffled.

“Bollocks”

\--------

James couldn’t believe his eyes, as he pulled up outside of his own house with Peter in the passenger’s seat. He leaned down to peer out the passengers’ side window and stare blankly at the warmly lit front walk, and see people inside every room. The house was full to bursting, and it wasn’t exactly a small house either. 

He couldn’t help but be indignant, and a little in awe of his own mother. He shared the same genes as that woman. Christ. 

Even as he barrelled up the front walk, he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself in the midst of his anger, but he schooled his expression back into cool displeasure as he strode purposefully up to the front door. Sirius leaned casually against the doorframe, looking for all the world like some sort of bouncer as he smirked at James. It wasn’t until James tried to brush past him and was quickly clotheslined by his outstretched arm that James realised he was the bouncer. A personal bouncer, for James and James only, he figured as he surveyed the sheer mass of people milling about the front foyer of the house.

James thought he spied professor Slughorn, drink in hand, making a beeline for the snack table near the kitchen as he peered through the crowd to look for his mum.

“Alright, mate?” Sirius’s breezy tone was interrupted by a stifled snigger.

“Oi, wanker, go and get my mum for me, would you?” James barked.

“Sorry, but I’m under the strictest of orders not to leave my post or to let you enter the party under any circumstances. You know I’d never disrespect Mum Potter. Filial piety and all that.” Sirius grinned like the cheshire cat.

Tosspot.

James spotted Remus lounging against the drinks table nearby.

“Oi! Remus! Be a pal and go get my mum for me, seeing as I’m apparently not allowed into my own home anymore.” With a nod and another shit-eating grin, Remus slunk off through the party to search for the woman in question.

“Darling, there you are! I was beginning to wonder if you would bother to show up at all to your dear mother’s retirement party.” Euphemia was supremely glib, all smiles and looking for all the world like the glamorous hostess and belle of the ball, and not the impish charlatan they both knew her to be.

James knew Remus and Sirius were getting a kick out of this exchange, and that Peter probably felt incredibly awkward lingering silently behind him on the stairs while he had it out with his mother, but he was too worked up to care. Besides, the Potters had a flair for the dramatic. If they were going to do this, it may as well be entertainment for the whole party.

“Hello Mother.” James worked himself into his most terse tone possible. “I see you’ve enjoyed yourself these past few weeks lampooning me all over the internet, but to exclude your only son-”

“Hey!” A protest from Sirius.

“-Your own flesh and blood from your retirement party? From such a grand and significant part of your life? I didn’t think you could sink so low.” 

“Whatever are you talking about, dearest?” Euphemia’s syrupy response only irritated James further.

“You made an instagram account and spoofed all of my posts to publicly ridicule me. You used your super-marketing-y powers to make the posts go viral. Someone wrote a buzzfeed article about how the Marketing Director of Sleekeazy was making fun of her own son all over instagram, and then you tweet out the article and make a post inviting essentially the whole of Britain to your retirement party, but exclude your own son from the invitation?” Sirius burst out laughing.

Wow, he’d really gotten himself up into a good bluster. Euphemia did nothing but smile serenely.

“Darling, I have no idea what you’re talking about. You know I’m just an old boomer, technology is absolutely foreign to me. I have no idea how to use those apps, you know, on the newfangled phones you kids run about with these days! How could I have possibly done any of that?”

The other shoe dropped.

James had no response. All wind had left him.

He’s an idiot, James is.

Sirius decided to chime in, only heaping on greater betrayal. “Mate, you should have been there when Mum and Dad Potter asked us to run interference on your social media so you wouldn’t notice, it was gold!” He cackled like a witch high on helium. 

James rounded on his mates. “You knew? YOU KNEW THE WHOLE TIME?” All he got from Peter was a sheepish grin, Sirius was positively gleeful with schadenfreude, and Remus looked satisfied that James was receiving punishment.

Filial piety. Psh. He should’ve seen this coming.

James turned back to his mother, good humor starting to seep back in now that he’d allowed his temper to burn for a few seconds. 

“Alright, ha ha, very funny, lesson learned, now can I come inside? It’s bloody freezing out here, and I’m sure you’ll want your son in there to celebrate with you.” James supplicated.

“Nonsense!” Euphemia said archly. “We were having a great time without you before, and we’ll keep doing so. I’ll send someone out with a coat for you, and I’ll call you in when it’s time for the speeches. Ta ta!” She glided over the threshold and back inside once again. 

Sirius and Remus smirked at James one final time before turning to leave, and Peter chalked the shit-eating grin tally up to three as he skirted past James and into the house, closing the door behind him with a taunting snick. 

\--------

“Erm, ah, hullo. Your mum asked me to bring this,” a voice sounded off from behind James. He was sitting petulantly on the front steps, chin on hands, elbows on knees. He turned to see a fit redhead standing behind him, holding out his favorite wool coat. She seemed to feel the slightest bit of trepidation.

“Thanks,” James said, not breaking eye contact.

“Want some company?” The girl took a few steps closer as he took the jacket from her hand, moving to sit next to him anyway.

“Sure. Surprised I’m getting any. Company that is. Or did Mum send you out here specifically to taunt me as further punishment?” James knew he was acting childish, and hated that he would make such an impression on such a pretty girl, but he couldn’t help it. He hated being stuck on the outside of a party.

“Actually-” a hesitation, “I, ah, volunteered.” Bashful.

James turned to look the girl full in the face. She was brilliantly flushed from her hairline all the way down to the neckline of her dress. Very pretty girl indeed.

“I’m sorry, have we met? I feel like I knew everyone who worked in the marketing department with Mum, but you look familiar-” James tripped over his words a bit.

“We have met, but I’m not surprised you remember. You were more than a bit pissed. It was at Marlene’s housewarming party. Actually, I’m pretty sure your mum tracked down everyone who was at that party and invited all of us individually to come here tonight, said it would assist in a plan of divine retribution toward her beloved son…. And here you are, outside on the porch, so I guess it worked?” 

James had never heard anything sound more like his mother than having a party, and inviting everyone from another party for which James had skipped family dinner and solely excluding him. Very On-Brand Euphemia punishment. James couldn’t help but laugh, once again in awe of his mum.

“She must have been a lot of fun growing up.” The girl continued. 

“Yeah, you could say that.” James smiled. “Sorry, I know you said we met, but I don’t actually remember your name,” he said sheepishly.

“It’s Lily.”

“Lily,” James said, looking at her in the dying light. He liked the way it felt to say her name. “I hope my first impression on you was as favourable as yours is right now.” He added, feeling bold, especially off the heels of his most recent humiliation. “Or at least better than this. You’re getting a front row seat to one of my low points.”

“Low point? If this is a low point, I’m impressed. But you were very nice at Marlene’s as well. You and I were both trying to talk our respective flatmates out of going home together, and were exceptionally unsuccessful.”

“Ah, so you’re-”

“Mary’s flatmate, yeah. I ended up following them home to make sure everything was kosher, and as it turns out, Sirius actually did just walk her home, much to my surprise.”

“Chivalry isn’t dead after all,” James added, ruefully thinking about how he missed out on this gorgeous woman that night.

“After I knew Mary was safe, I just spent the rest of the night at home thinking it was a shame I'd left, because anyone who can passionately and articulately lecture his flatmate about respecting sexual partners while completely drunk off his arse seemed well worth knowing." 

"What can I say, my mum raised me right." James felt pretty good about himself in that instant. 

"I just lay in bed thinking how I could have stayed and maybe gotten to know you a bit better, and that it was a shame I’d probably never see you again.”

James turned to see Lily looking directly at him with a demure smile on her face. His stomach flipped a little bit.

“You know, they’ll probably be starting the speeches for your mum’s retirement soon, I bet no one would notice if we snuck inside a little early,” Lily offered.

James looked down to see her hand resting on the step between them. He brought his next to it, and covered her little finger with his own.

“Nah,” James said. “Mum’ll come get us when it’s time.” Lily smiled at him, and they both turned to look out as the first stars winked into existence.

“Ok,” She said. A snigger. “....Boomer.”


End file.
